On Metamorphisis: discovery of self, career/life passion, vision, village... (in that order)

Throughout my career, I felt an increasing need to do something more than simply impact a bottom line — something that I could be passionate about, something that empowered people, something that inspired change. In October, I hit another brick wall with my career/life pursuits, which sparked a re-evaluation out of necessity.

Long story short, I discovered that while I was in the correct arena as a creative professional, I was trying to force myself into the mold of the incorrect expression of it (as graphic designer) for 5+ years. Finally paying attention to the signals (though it took multiple head-on collisions with those brick walls for me to get the picture:), I took stock of my experiences and was able to identify my passion: giving voice to a cause; particularly one that empowers people and inspires change.

Balance Is Not a Fish You Can Catch

Balance is something we hear much about, particularly this time of year. Take a quick look at themes around the blogosphere and you'll find 'balance' often as either the main subject of a New Year's Resolution article or as an idea sprinkled throughout one. While there is certainly much ado about it, balance is a concept that is difficult to find, if not impossible to acquire.

Balance is particularly elusive in our culture. We place a high value on activity, have positive associations about it and make personal judgments from it. We make 'activity' an extreme -- the arch nemesis of balance.

Indeed, Everthing IS Illuminated

Everything is Illuminated is the best book I have ever read. I could end this post there, but allow me to continue (hopefully without spoiling too much of it for you) and share the personal implications of its epicness. I have not read all that many books, though I have read some of the literary greats. Not since 1984 (my second best book to date) or Three Cups of Tea (my fave non-fiction book) has one had this kind of impact on me. The kind that makes you think on it long after you complete it.

Dream You Crazy Dreamers

I've been involved in a neat Linked In discussion about business ideas (thanks Jason DePerro for sharing... I hope you do not mind that I include your response as well below) and thought the discussion was worthwhile to reproduce here for the benefit my OTV readers. See the full discussion.

I dedicate this post to all my fellow dreamers... Thanks for all your inspiration that keeps me keeping on.

The Miracle of FREEcycle

It's official... yesterday the last three items of my former apartment were moved outside and the keys turned in. It's such a huge relief to close the chapter on the over-one-month long process to slim down and offload over 75% of my personal effects, officially completing the move.

It's amazing how much stuff/junk one acquires over just one year's time; how the longer you stay in one place, the more things fill your space/life; and how, over time, your junk begins to own you.

In a conscious effort -- it was either store or farewell -- I conducted the ultimate spring cleaning this year and tried as best as possible to keep my temporal possessions from living out their last days in a landfill. Most things were in nice condition with many good years of use left in them, so I wanted to see them go to a new home.

With a multifaceted plan of attack, I hosted a moving sale via Fb, posted flyers at my apt. complex, sold a good bit by posting to craigslist, donated to local non-profits to help folks who are trying to get back on their feet, took boxes and bags of clothes to Goodwill, etc.

When it comes to keeping records, I'm a bit of a hoarder, so the biggest task was getting down to the essentials of the last 7-10 years of personal documents. It was a nice trip down memory lane -- especially reflecting back to my college days as I trimmed down my class files to a small stack of syllabi and essential work -- as eight boxes bacame just two.
Note: I was a little leery of doing anything less than burning these docs, but decided not to let the fear of identity theft rule my life any longer. Plus, I found comfort in the fact that if anyone actually goes to the trouble of stealing my identity, jokes on them since my credit is still ca-ca from that extended period of unemployement. If these identity scoundrels wait it out for a year+ until I restore said credit, then kudos to them; they can reap the rewards of their due diligence.

Over this last week when I was just desperate to get the remaining hold-outs, out, I made the wonderful discovery of freecycle. Living in an apt. complex, I knew that I could put a small pile of odds and ends out by the dumpster & recycling bins, which is the universal symbol for 'free to a good home.'

Sure enough, on Friday morning (when most of the residents were out at work) my pile of junk became someone's new found treasure and disappeared within a half hour of its creation; even while I was still creating it:)

http://www.freecycle.org/

Overcoming the Overwhelming Fear of Failure (psst... it requires falling flat on your face first)

I recently discovered the design groups and subsequent discussions on LinkedIn. I love them and parusing new topics is becoming a part of my daily ritual. Kudos to LinkedIn for engaging me professionally in a way that Fb has socially.

• Designer Talk: http://www.linkedin.com/groups?gid=92232
• Graphic Design Business: http://www.linkedin.com/groups?gid=2114283
• AIGA | the professional association for design: http://www.linkedin.com/groups?gid=95409
• AIGA Pittsburgh: http://www.linkedin.com/groups?gid=2871980
• Creative Design Pros: http://www.linkedin.com/groups?gid=122872
• Communication Arts: http://www.linkedin.com/groups?gid=66136

Yesterday, on Communication Arts group, I discovered a discussion by Jarod Matthew Kessler referencing a blog article called "The Stigma of Being Unsucessful," and responded with the following on that discussion thread as a realization of the past few months in becoming okay (dare I say, comfortable) with failure.
http://www.jaredmatthewkessler.com/the-stigma-of-being-unsuccessful/

• "Great read... aren't we all on the edge of crumbling and trying just to keep it together long enough until we get home -- so no one else will see that we're just as lost and trying to figure it all out, too?
  
  A designer friend and I were just discussing this over lunch yesterday. We're very similar personally and professionally. We both had perfectionist tendencies and an overwhelming fear of failure -- as designers, those are probably the two biggest things that have caused us to lament the day we stepped into the field for the first five years of our careers.
  
  This past winter, we both left our full-time jobs for agencies to start our own individual freelance businesses -- giving up the comfort and security of a permanent position (that we both respectively hated and that had driven us to the point of burn-out). We both also went into our respective freak-out periods of self-discovery and life/career questioning about two months later. What had we done? What kind of mistakes had we made leaving a full-time gig to try to scrap by on our own? What if we can't do this? What if we lose everything? What will everyone think when they find out? What if we have to crawl back to the old positions? What really happens when you don't pay your bills?
  
  Through those really tough experiences, we both came out the other side as much more confident, fearless and mature people personally and as designers professionally. Instead of being afraid of making mistakes -- and trying at all costs to avoid making them -- we both realized that mistakes are going to happen and it's not the end of the world, the end of our lives or the end of our careers when we make them (though it can still feel like it is the end for a while). We're both much less apologetic for who we are and much more bold and decisive when faced with a problem or decision (without second guessing afterward).
  
  The only differences in our paths have been the outcomes 6-months after initially leaving those full-time gigs. She's a very successful full-time freelance designer and I've picked up a full-time in-house marketing position while I do freelance as a supplemental income (and creative outlet). Neither are wrong or mistakes... just good fits for our personalities and working styles.
  
  Very encouraging to read that there are other professionals out there comfortable enough with themselves to share similar experiences and realizations. Thanks again for posting!"

When I was about at my lowest point earlier this year (January and February were personally hell for me because I had lost purpose/direction for my career and life + being snowed in for a month in Pgh didn't help), I thankfully came across an article in Reader's Digest (as luck would have it) summarizing new research to suggest that 1) failure physically makes our brains stronger; and 2) your mind-set (growth vs. fixed) is the key to finding success.

• How to Make Your Mind up to Succeed
  http://www.rd.com/your-america-inspiring-people-and-stories/how-to-make-up-your-mind-to-succeed/article126730.html
  
• How Failure Makes us Stronger
  http://www.rd.com/your-america-inspiring-people-and-stories/how-failure-makes-us-stronger/article126731.html
  

From there, I dove into more research by Dr. Dweck on her mindset theories and made some important self-discovers about my own fixed-mindset -- a another term for being a perfectionist.... not really a new idea or realization. More importantly, I came to a point of peace toward all the people who had unknowingly helped shape who I am today and with that knowledge was able to start recognizing when I was exercising that fixed-mindset (with all it's unrealistic expectations), to counter it and be a little more willing to fail in order to figure something out.

• Mindset Online: Book Supplement by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D's
  http://mindsetonline.com/
  
  Particularly the page on how well-meaning parents, teachers and coaches have done number on creating a fixed-mindset in most of our generation.
  http://mindsetonline.com/howmindsetaffects/parentsteacherscoaches/index.html
  Exerpt:
  If you’re like most parents, you hear these as supportive, esteem-boosting messages.
  “You learned that so quickly! You’re so smart!”
  “Look at that drawing. Martha, is he the next Picasso or what?”
  “You’re so brilliant, you got an A without even studying!”
  But listen more closely. See if you can hear another message. It’s the ones that children hear:
  “If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart.”
  “I shouldn’t try drawing anything hard or they’ll see I’m no Picasso.”
  “I’d better quit studying or they won’t think I’m brilliant.”
  
  

I hope that these resources are as helpful to all my fellow designers (as quirky and escentric as we all are) in helping to face and accept failure in their lives, businesses and designs -- and reap all the freedom that comes from allowing yourself to not-be-perfect.

Back in Business (After a Season of Evaluation/Redirection)

It's been a wild ride these last few months. Things didn't go according to plan -- as they tend not to do -- and a long period of inactivity/nothingness/hibernation was followed by massive changes as I refocused on my design career and things began clicking together. As difficult as the last 6 months have been, I value the time as a necessary season of reflection, evaluation and redirection for my career/life. I could not have learned what I did or gained the perspective that I did without going through what I did.

Having said all that, I'm thrilled to share that I have accepted the position of Marketing Coordinator for Northwood Realty Services in Wexford, PA. I began a few weeks ago and now that I'm settled in, it's proving to be a great place to apply all my design/marketing, project management and event experience.

Northwood is also very supportive of my professional development goals -- my AIGA membership is once again in active status -- and of my freelance design business, On The Vine. With the freedom from stress/anxiety that a steady full-time income provides, I plan to utilize On The Vine as a creative outlet and to specifically support the organizations/initiatives that I am passionate about with my design talents and experience on a per-project basis.

I'm having a few lunch meetings this week to line up projects for On The Vine and I look forward to posting details/progress as things solidify.

In short, I'm glad to be back... and back in business!

Week 2: Adventures in Self-Employment

It's amazing to me how busy the self-employed life can be. I'm recognizing the need for balance, but have yet to strike one between work, life, friends, new business networking, Mary Kay, ACAC/YAM, volunteer work, and me -- probably because the list itself is too long, but that's my personality:)

Something that I am instituting next week as a way to create more balance is a simple (easy to remember) rule for booking appts:

For each day, only one appt. per catagory
(max of 2 catagories per day).

That should help to give me a little down time between running around (and burning gas) to get things done.

In a separate post -- that I have to resend due to internet difficulties yesterday... grrr -- I'll share some of the local networking resources that I've found to be exceptionally helpful and encouraging during this transitional time.